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Archive for the ‘In the workplace’ Category

So, on Tuesday, nothing in the world happened.  I know this because the Today Show devoted an inordinate amount of time to announcing that the Olympics begin….in a year.  Children who do not exist will be conceived, gestated, birthed, and nearly crawling between now and then.  We’ll elect some slightly-less-jerky (we can only hope) jerks to Congress.  We’ll have to endure speculation that Sarah Palin is stepping back into the ring.  Celebrities will meet, court, marry, and divorce.  Point is:  it’s a long way off.

Luckily, I have found a way to amuse myself until then with an ongoing workout plan.  This plan consists of hating Tony Horton, and also, of sitting on an exercise ball at work.  This all began when my coworker decided to bring an exercise ball in to address his ADHD tendencies (you know, keep his brain calmer by engaging his muscles in the act of balancing).  But then he started being all, “My abs are so great…the gym was so great…I’m so great…”  and I got a little jealous.  And competitive.  And in need of my own distraction.

So today, I went home at lunch and grabbed my exercise ball that has been gathering dust in the bowels of our basement (Wait, I meant, was FULLY INFLATED because I use it ALL THE TIME and I’m SO AWESOME).  I brought it in and have been intermittently pumping air into it with a small, wheezy, hand held pump.  The guy four offices down can hear me, so I try to take frequent breaks so as not to make others worry that I’m strangling kittens at my desk.

Anyway, pretty soon it is going to be GAME ON with the abs.  I’ll keep you updated.  And by the time Michael Phelps and the rest of his cronies parade into London, my stomach will be ready to win  Gold in the office exercise ball competition.  I’m pretty sure it will be a recognized sport by then as we’ve got a little time.

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If you’ve ever worked in an office of more than 10 people, you can appreciate the grab-bag feel of a “To:  All Network Users” email.  It could be a passive-aggressive reminder of corporate policy, such as “Now that spring is upon us, please take a moment to review the corporate dress-code and remember that while the weather may warrant it, some fashions are not acceptable in the workplace.”  You know, fashions that are constructed of spandex…or reveal your back tat…or show your cleavage or chest hair.  NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT AT WORK, PEOPLE.  OR SEE IT, EVER.

But, I digress.  My favorite “All network users” category is that of the “Lost and Found.”  This elicits all sorts of speculation about WHAT PERSON on WHAT FLOOR misplaced their keys/wallet/phone and makes even a tiny part of me want to break out in an elementary school, lunchroom-style “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” that followed a dropping of a tray of food.  Not that that ever happened to me or scarred me for life.

The BEST lost and found email came from my building’s outstanding security guard who was gracious and quick to inform us all of any incident that warranted our attention.  Such as this one:

Subject: lost and Found
A tube of Itch Relief Cream was recovered from ladies room on the first floor and was turned into security desk. The owner is requested to collect it from the front desk.

Upon opening this one, my coworker started laughing hysterically.  So hard, in fact, that she couldn’t speak.  “What’s so funny?” I asked from the other side of the cube wall.

“Read your email,” she managed to choke out.

It took me about three minutes to catch my breath.  And then I got to listen to peals of laughter errupt from every corner of my floor for the next 10 minutes.  Apparently, someone in the office went out to break the news to our security guard, who had a heart of gold, as well as a non-native grasp of the English language.  And then he sent this clarification:

Subject: FW: lost and Found
Correction:- The said medicinal tube was for Poison Ivy itch treatment and was found from the hallway on the first floor.

I felt so much better about that.

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